Guides

Step-by-steps for the things nobody taught you. Care for child, family, house, self, and others. ND-friendly notes included.

Child

Switch to a new pediatrician
medical

A calm sequence for changing pediatricians without losing records.

🤍 Phone calls are the slow part. Schedule them on a low-stim day. Email-first if possible.
Steps (5) · ~45 min · energy 2
1. Find a new pediatrician your insurance covers. Call the insurance line on the back of your card or check the online directory.
2. Confirm they are accepting new patients and ask what records they need.
3. Request a records release form from the new office, or use your old portal to download records yourself.
  Tip: A PDF download is faster than a faxed transfer in most states.
4. Call the old office to formally cancel and confirm any final balance.
5. Add the new office to your contacts, calendar, and any school medical-form templates.
Morning routine for an ADHD kid (school-age)
household

A low-friction sequence that handles the four hardest moments.

🤍 Visual schedules work better than verbal reminders for most ADHD kids. Print the steps.
Steps (5) · ~∞ min · energy 1
1. Wake-up: open the curtains, hand them water, no questions for the first 5 minutes.
2. Bathroom + dressed: clothes are laid out the night before, in one stack, in one place.
3. Breakfast: same two options every day, plated already if possible.
4. Backpack check: a one-line checklist taped to the door, eye-level for the kid.
5. Out the door: shoes by the door, jacket on the hook, no scavenger hunts.
Prep for an IEP meeting
school

What to bring, what to ask, what to do if you cry.

🤍 Crying is allowed. The team works for your kid. Bring a partner or friend if you can.
Steps (5) · ~90 min · energy 3
1. Read the most recent IEP / evaluation 48 hours ahead, with a highlighter.
2. Write down 3 things that are working, 3 things that are not.
3. List specific accommodations or services you want to add or change.
4. Bring snacks, water, and a tissue. Wear comfortable clothes.
5. Ask: "Can I take this draft home and respond by Friday?" — you do not have to sign in the room.
Fever decision tree (when to call, when it's fine)
medical

The "is this an emergency or do I just need rest" filter.

🤍 Print this for the fridge. Decision-making is harder when you are tired and the kid is crying.
Steps (5) · ~5 min · energy 1
1. Under 3 months old + any fever ≥ 100.4°F → call the pediatrician now.
2. 3 months–3 years + fever ≥ 102°F lasting > 24 hours → call.
3. Any age + stiff neck, severe headache, rash that does not blanch, trouble breathing, persistent vomiting, or seizure → emergency.
4. Otherwise: fluids, rest, age-appropriate fever reducer per package directions, recheck in 4 hours.
5. If you are second-guessing, call the after-hours nurse line. That is what it is for.
Teach a kid to tie shoes (ND-friendly)
household

A sequence that works when "the bunny ears" did not.

🤍 If after a month it is still a meltdown trigger, switch to elastic laces. The skill will come back later.
Steps (5) · ~15 min · energy 2
1. Use a contrasting two-color lace (one half red, one half white). Visible halves = easier to learn.
2. Step 1: cross + tuck (the 'X and pull through'). Practice until it's automatic.
3. Step 2: make ONE loop. The other lace wraps around it. (Skip 'bunny ears' — one loop is plenty.)
4. Step 3: push the wrapped lace through the hole the wrap created. Pull both loops.
5. Practice on a shoe in their lap, not on their foot. Reduces frustration by half.
Sensory meltdown — what to do during, what to do after
emotional

For when reasoning has left the building.

🤍 A meltdown is not a tantrum. They cannot stop it on command. Your job is safety, not behavior change.
Steps (5) · ~∞ min · energy 2
1. During: lower the volume of everything. Lights down. Talk less. Move slowly. Offer pressure (a blanket, a hug if welcomed) but do not insist.
2. Stay nearby. You are not negotiating, you are anchoring.
3. After (the come-down): water and a snack. No debriefing yet.
4. Later (hours later or next day): name what happened together, no blame. "Your body got really overwhelmed." Identify what was loud about the situation.
5. Plan one small environmental change for next time (earplugs in the bag, a quieter route home, etc.).

Family

Run a 15-minute family meeting
household

A weekly rhythm that catches problems before they explode.

🤍 Sundays at 6pm work for many families. Phones in a basket. Snacks helpful.
Steps (5) · ~15 min · energy 1
1. Three-question rotation: What worked this week? What did not? What is coming up?
2. Each person answers each. No interrupting. Even the youngest speaker gets the floor.
3. Calendar pass: review the week ahead together. Who needs what.
4. One commitment: each person picks one thing they will own this week. Write it down.
5. End with appreciations. "Thank you for ___" for each person, by each person if you have time.
Co-parent handoff script (custody / blended families)
admin

Reduces friction when the kids switch houses.

🤍 A shared note (Apple Notes, Google Keep, OurFamilyWizard) works as well as anything fancy. Consistency beats tools.
Steps (5) · ~5 min · energy 1
1. Three sections only: Health (meds, symptoms), School (events, homework), Heart (mood, conflicts, wins).
2. Update on transition day, before the handoff. Two-sentence max per section.
3. Separate document for logistics (gear, schedule changes). Do not mix logistics and co-parenting opinions.
4. Verbal handoff = three lines max in front of the kids. Save the rest for text or the shared note.
5. Once a month: a 15-minute child-focused parent-only call (no kid in earshot).
First call when an aging parent has a fall / scare
medical

What to ask the hospital, what to write down.

🤍 You may shake. That is okay. Read from this list rather than thinking of questions in real time.
Steps (5) · ~20 min · energy 3
1. Ask the hospital: who is the attending and how do I reach them? What is the discharge plan?
2. Ask: do they have an advance directive on file? POLST/MOLST? Healthcare proxy? Get copies.
3. Find out the medication list at admission and at discharge. Write down differences.
4. Ask social work for a needs assessment before discharge — home health, equipment, follow-up.
5. Tell ONE other family member or friend. You should not carry this alone, even from the start.
Deployment / extended absence prep
admin

For military families, traveling parents, hospital stays.

🤍 Do this in parts. Two 45-minute sessions across two evenings, not one long marathon.
Steps (5) · ~90 min · energy 3
1. Power of attorney updated. Notarized copies in the house and one with a trusted family member.
2. School / pediatrician permission forms naming the at-home parent or backup as authorized.
3. Bills audit: what is on autopay, what is not, who has the passwords. Use a password manager.
4. A "if X happens" plan for the top 3 likely emergencies, written down. Car breaks, kid sick, water leak.
5. A connection ritual: the deployed/away parent and each kid pick one weekly thing they will do (read the same book, send a goofy photo, voice memo).

House

Minimum viable household (Hard Week mode)
self

When everything is too much: the floor below which we will not go.

🤍 This is permission, not a goal. Print it and hang it where you can see it on the bad days.
Steps (5) · ~∞ min · energy 1
1. Everyone eats something. Cereal counts. Cheese sticks count.
2. Everyone takes their meds.
3. Everyone has clean-ish underwear (sniff test is fine).
4. Pets are fed and watered.
5. Doors locked at night. The rest can wait.
Kitchen reset (post-meal, 12 minutes)
household

A repeatable end-of-meal sequence.
Steps (5) · ~12 min · energy 1
1. Set a timer for 12 minutes. The timer is your friend.
2. Clear the table — everything goes either in the sink, the trash, or the fridge.
3. Wipe the table and counters in one pass with one cloth.
4. Load the dishwasher OR fill the sink with hot soapy water and walk away.
5. Set out one thing for tomorrow (coffee, lunchboxes, vitamins). Stop when the timer rings.
A laundry system that does not collapse
household

One basket per person, one day per category. No mountain.

🤍 Folding is the most-skipped step. Hanging or basket-sorting works just as well; the clothes do not care.
Steps (5) · ~∞ min · energy 1
1. Each person has a single hamper. Mixed loads are fine; sorting is over-rated.
2. Pick one fixed day per category (e.g., towels Monday, kid clothes Wednesday, adult clothes Saturday).
3. Wash in the morning, dry in the afternoon, fold OR put away while watching one episode of a show.
4. If folding is a barrier: each person has a clean-clothes basket. Done.
5. When you skip a week, do not double up. Skip and resume. The system rewards the rhythm, not the catch-up.
Home maintenance — what each season actually needs
admin

The 12 things that prevent the expensive things.

🤍 Put each on the calendar with a 30-day reminder. Most failures are calendar failures.
Steps (5) · ~∞ min · energy 2
1. Spring: HVAC service, gutters cleared, smoke/CO detector batteries.
2. Summer: refrigerator coils vacuumed, dryer lint vent cleared, AC filter replaced.
3. Fall: heating service, water heater drained (if recommended), exterior caulk check.
4. Winter: pipes insulated where exposed, emergency kit refreshed, gutters cleared again post-leaf-fall.
5. All year: monthly walk around the foundation looking for cracks, water pooling, anything new.

Self

Brain dump and sort (the foundation)
self

The Week 1 of the Reset the Mental Load practice.

🤍 Do this in pen, on paper, with a snack. The goal is not to solve it. The goal is to see it.
Steps (5) · ~30 min · energy 1
1. Set 15 minutes. Write down everything you are tracking. One thing per line. No order, no editing.
2. Take a 5-minute break. Snack. Water. Do not optimize.
3. Sort each line into one of three columns: mine to do, someone else could do, this could drop.
4. For "someone else could do" — name the person. Specifically. Not "someone."
5. For "could drop" — actually drop one. Let it go. Cross it out. The world will still turn.
Prep for your own doctor appointment
medical

A short script so you do not get rushed out without your questions answered.

🤍 Write everything down. White coats and rushing make it harder to remember.
Steps (5) · ~15 min · energy 2
1. Top 3 concerns, written on paper. Most-important first; you may run out of time.
2. Current medication list with doses. (Most clinics ask; having it ready saves 5 minutes.)
3. One specific question per concern: "What is causing this?" "What changes my chances of getting better?" "What should I watch for that means I should call back?"
4. Ask: "Can I record this so I do not forget?" Most providers say yes if you ask.
5. Before you leave: confirm the plan in your own words. "So I am taking X for Y, and following up by Z."
Three micro-rests for a hard day
self

Not self-care. Just survival-grade pauses.
Steps (5) · ~5 min · energy 1
1. Five-breath cycle: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6. Five times. About 70 seconds.
2. Eye rest: look at something more than 20 feet away for 20 seconds. Once an hour if you remember.
3. Cold water on the wrists for 30 seconds. Resets the parasympathetic system better than people expect.
4. Optional: hum on the exhale. Vagus-nerve thing. Sounds silly, works anyway.
5. You did not earn these. They are not rewards. They are how the body works.
Sleep floor (the version that works on hard nights)
self

When 'sleep hygiene' advice is too elaborate.

🤍 You do not need a perfect routine. You need a floor.
Steps (5) · ~5 min · energy 1
1. Same wake-up time most days, even when bedtime varies.
2. Light in your eyes within 30 minutes of waking — outdoor if possible, otherwise the brightest light you have.
3. No new caffeine after 2pm.
4. Bed = sleep + sex. (Phones, work, TV go elsewhere if at all possible.)
5. When you cannot sleep: get out of bed for 15 minutes, do something boring in dim light, return.

Others

Coordinate a meal train (for someone in crisis)
admin

When a friend is grieving, post-partum, or post-surgery.

🤍 You do not have to ask "what do you need?" — that is a question that requires energy. Offer specific things.
Steps (5) · ~30 min · energy 2
1. Pick a tool: MealTrain.com, a shared Google Sheet, or a private group chat.
2. Get the basics from the household: allergies, kids count, what they actually like to eat, drop-off vs. left-on-porch, time window.
3. Set a duration (often 2-4 weeks) and slots (every other day works well — too much food spoils).
4. Send to a circle of 8-15 people, not a public post. Specific asks land harder.
5. Check in mid-way and at the end. Many people need this for longer than the train runs.
Say no to a volunteer ask without burning the bridge
admin

A 3-line script.

🤍 You can use this verbatim. No improvising required.
Steps (5) · ~2 min · energy 1
1. Line 1 (acknowledge): "Thanks so much for thinking of me / for the work you do."
2. Line 2 (decline cleanly): "I am not able to take that on this season."
3. Line 3 (offer one tiny thing OR nothing at all): "If you ever need a one-time thing like X, I am happy to be on a list for that." OR just stop.
4. No explanation needed. "I am not able" is a complete sentence.
5. Send. Do not edit. Do not soften further.
Check in on a grieving friend, weeks later
emotional

When the casseroles have stopped and people have stopped calling.

🤍 The hardest week is often week 4 or 5, when the rest of the world has moved on. Aim for then.
Steps (5) · ~5 min · energy 1
1. Send a short text. Do not ask "how are you?" — that requires a curated answer.
2. Try: "Thinking of you today. No need to reply." Or: "I have been carrying [name] in my mind this week."
3. Reference the lost person specifically when you can. People are afraid of being forgotten more than they are afraid of crying.
4. Offer a specific thing: "Walking Saturday at 10 if you want quiet company." Specific is easier than open-ended.
5. Then: keep doing it. Set a recurring reminder for 1, 3, 6, and 12 months.

Guides

Child

Switch to a new pediatrician

Morning routine for an ADHD kid (school-age)

Prep for an IEP meeting

Fever decision tree (when to call, when it's fine)

Teach a kid to tie shoes (ND-friendly)

Sensory meltdown — what to do during, what to do after

Family

Run a 15-minute family meeting

Co-parent handoff script (custody / blended families)

First call when an aging parent has a fall / scare

Deployment / extended absence prep

House

Minimum viable household (Hard Week mode)

Kitchen reset (post-meal, 12 minutes)

A laundry system that does not collapse

Home maintenance — what each season actually needs

Self

Brain dump and sort (the foundation)

Prep for your own doctor appointment

Three micro-rests for a hard day

Sleep floor (the version that works on hard nights)

Others

Coordinate a meal train (for someone in crisis)

Say no to a volunteer ask without burning the bridge

Check in on a grieving friend, weeks later